Life in the fast lane

Finally good news to report. The year long separation is coming to an end. My husband and I are going to get back together. It's been a very long year and it's been very hard on my emotionally, mentally and physically. I think it's been hard on him too, that's what he says. I believe him. It's been a year filled with sadness, a few happy times, despair, a few positives, ups and downs like no other. About 2 weeks ago, we had a heart to heart (right at the time of of our 1 year separation anniversary) and all of a sudden it was like a light bulb went on inside his head where he figured out this was it, he was going to either have me forever or lose me. I think that shook him. We have spent the last week analyzing our entire relationship and taking it step by step. It has been great so far. We both want this very much and both are willing to go the extra mile to be together again. We will be together again in June and I am happy.

Please stop this ride so I can get off

I am sure this will turn into a garbled mess before I am done. I have so many thoughts going through my head I feel like I could go crazy. In no particular order. In bulleted form, to somewhat ease the pain of the garbbledness (and yes spellcheck I just *know* that this is a word, so there!).

• So, it has really effected me that one year later I am in the same place I was last year. It will be exactly one year tomorrow that my husband and I have split up. And I am the same fucked up mess I was a year ago. One thing that has gotten under my skin is an acquaintance friend of mine and her husband split up almost at the same exact time we did and both her and her ex-husband are REMARRIED! Not that I want to be remarried, cuz I don't but OBVIOUSLY they have both moved on and they don't find themselves sitting here going, "well shit what has changed in a years time??"
• Still cry - check
• Still love my husband - check
• Still hate that we are separated - check
• still want to be with him - stupid dumb check
• Sits and asks herself each and everyday why she can't move on and lead a normal life - BIG FAT check
• Wonders if she needs to go back to the dr. and talk to her about changing her medication because it isn't working *obviously* - CHECK and CHECK and CHECK
• Wants to run away but thank god has her kids so she doesn't - check.

I hate april 4th.

Hope

Today I have hope. I don't want to say it out loud what is going on for fear of jinxing it. I just have hope that I thought I had lost.

Have you seen my....?

It's very apparent I have WAY too many things on my mind and not a enough cells to accommodate these 'things'. I went to my husbands apartment on Saturday to drop off some things I had accumulated and needed to give to him. Since my daughter dances on the same side of town he lives I stopped by after I dropped her off at dance. Our boat is stored in the town I live in until we decide what we are doing with it. So, he says will you take a check to the boat rental place (exactly 3 blocks from where I live) on your way home. I said, "sure" cheerfully. So, he puts the check in my purse. Easy schmeesy, right?

Not for this dumb ass. I go and pick up my daughter from dance. I get the check out of my purse (MISTAKE #1) and hand it to my daughter (MISTAKE #2) and say don't let me forget to take this to the boat rental place on our way home. She says, "sure" cheerfully. On our way home we stop by our house (MISTAKE #3) to get the mail and I run inside (MISTAKE #4 - do you see a pattern here?) to grab something. And we go home...

Yes, we went HOME. Uh, forgot about the check AND LOST IT. My husband texts me the next morning and says "did you get the check to the boat place okay". I freaked the f*ck out. Shit shit shit. I looked all over for that check and couldn't find it. I got the distinct pleasure of telling my husband that I managed to lose a check in ONE 25 minute drive from point A to point B. I suck

Hell Week

This is how I spent my time this week:

1. Daughter had the flu - passed it to me - passed it to middle son. Oldest son escaped somehow.
2. My step-son's house burnt down. Yes, burnt down. It was horrible. They are all safe and okay, thank god. But they lost everything. His mom's car was parked in the garage and caught on fire, which by the time she figured it out the garage was engulfed in flames. It's a horrifying experience.
3. My dad was downhill skiing Friday night (he is very active, in great shape, and is 62). They were on their last run and he fell (not sure if he passed out or what, since it was an easy hill and he is good at skiing) and hit his head pretty hard. He was disoriented, they rushed him to the local hospital and did a CAT scan and found blood on his brain. So they then rushed him to the state university hospital and did another CAT scan and there was no more or less blood on his brain, so they think it's a concussion. He came home yesterday afternoon and sounded good on the phone.

It's been a hellish week. On top of an ongoing divorce, being freaking broker than broke, kids, work - now all this. I am just so thankful that everyone ended up okay after this hellish week.

The Three T's

I'm tired but I can't sleep. I will deeply regret this tomorrow...err... later THIS morning when I have to get up and go to work. Won't be pretty folks.

******************

I think at the end of the month I will be going to New Jersey for work. It will only be a day or two but I am excited to travel again. I use to travel all the time for work but then it got to be too much and it was hard on the kids. With this job my travel requirements are pretty few and far between, which is good. I am just happy for a change of scenery and no one will be calling me mom for a couple of days!!

******************

I've got to finish up my taxes and get them sent it. How does one get a huge chunk of money back from federal but owe a couple of hundred to state? I am stumped so I haven't submitted them yet. I still think I am missing something or made a grave error that isn't showing up yet. I am a little paranoid about it. That's on my agenda to finish up tomorrow night.

*******************

Well, I am off to bed, I have bored myself tired.

I am an EMPRESS!!!!!

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.