The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

Yesterday was my birthday and now today is my 10 month anniversary. I cannot wait for May to get here tomorrow.

I promise that I will not continue to whine about this stupid frickin' divorce much longer. But at the moment it's the only thing on my mind and it's kind of overwhelming.

I went to dinner last night with my husband, which was his idea. It was pleasant. I had NO expectations going into this dinner at all. Just a meal for my birthday. Which was a smart thing to do. He cried most of the time, I didn't. He is sad. BUT still wants to go through with all of this. Thinks there is no hope for us. Believe me, I have mentioned many, many solutions that do not include divorce and him leaving but nope, he knows this is the only way to solve "HIS" problems. I got no gift, no card, no nothing. But a few tears, a nice Mexican meal and a definitive answer on our failed relationship.

In further good news... I have no job still. The last place that I interviewed with THREE friggin' times... said they would call either way. Yea, no phone call at all. Is that rude or am I expecting too much? I would of liked to of known at least why they went with another candidate. I think that's only polite. But whateva. I have had two interviews this week and I am excited about them. I will keep plugging away and pray something comes along very soon.

Thank you all for your kind words and well wishes, they really do help me and keep my spirits up at this extremely crappy time in my life. It will get better, I know it. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The One Where I Sing Happy Birthday to Myself.

Ya say it's your birthday... Da da da da da daaaaaa...it's my birthday toooooo!

So, this has turned into a listening to onthegomom whine about her impending divorce blog. I promise it won't last forever. Just a few more whiny days.

My husband called me right at midnight to tell me Happy Birthday. I was pretty shocked. He also told me he loves me so very much. He also asked me to go to dinner with him tomorrow. So now I am a f*cked up mess. I want to believe him. I am going to go to dinner with him because I really want to. Even if it means I will come away hurt and reeling, I still want to. Again... my head is spinning (and I pretty sure it's not the Absolut Citron Vodka in my Diet Coke that is causing it. Pretty. Sure.).

Letter to my son

Where does the time go?
Why do the days drag but the years fly?
How can 18 years be gone in a blink of an eye?

It seems like only a short time ago that I was young and in love.
Carrying you, my first child, in my womb.
Preparing and decorating your first room.

The love I have for you is more than mere words.
Your smile, your laughter, you becoming my mainstay.
Nothing could have prepared me for this day.

Remembering you toddling around the house
Saying Fe Fow on Feet
And eating your mac and cheese

Watching you learn to read at lightening speed
Learn your colors,
Your ABC’s.

Seeing you walk down the street for the first time to school.
Worrying out of mind to how your day will go
Counting the minutes until I see you out the window.

Sending my first born half way across the world
Watching you board an airplane for the first time
As I stand alone, left behind.

Praying each and every minute you were gone.
Such a short time for you
But forever, for me

Through tear laden eyes, watching you get on the bus for the first time.
Hoping, praying, wishing for your fast return
Nothing will ever stop my feelings of concern

Such excitement, just two short years ago.
On that first day, watching you drive down the street
My heart dropping down to my feet.

You are an adult, legal, can vote
Nothing can compare to this day, however
Where I pray that in your eyes I am not a failure.

You are the love of my life
A direct part of me
For always and forever, you will be my baby.

The Girl Turns 10

My baby turns 10 today. Last night she had her slumber party with some friends. We went swimming at our local gym where we are members, ate pizza, had cupcakes and ice cream sundaes and then listened to 4 pre-teens GIGGLE until 1 am. It was a fun night!

My youngest, my little baby girl is now in double digits! It just doesn't seem possible. Happy Birthday Sweetheart!