Bacon Cheddar Cheese

Last night and tonight my daughter has been at my sisters house and both of my boys have been working. Which leaves me ALONE! Which would lead one to believe that I would actually get shit done. But nope. I have done NOTHING. Um, that would include shower or change. Yep, still in my sweat suit from last night.

So for dinner last night AND tonight I have eaten Bacon Cheddar Cheese and Ritz crackers. It's from Wisconsin. It's freaking good. Last night I had 4 glasses of wine with it too. Tonight I am having Lemon sparkling water - 1 liter of it. Probably to counter the wine from last night.

I have been watching movies and movies and more movies. I watched Nights in Rodanthe last night and I cried, no make that sobbed and bawled. (adding that to the list of movies I am incapable of watching - that includes PS I Love You, as well) Then I watched Cast Away on TBS, oh and I cried at the end of that too... when Tom Hanks is found and comes back to a married Helen Hunt (OMG... I cried). Tonight I am watching Old School with Will Farrell... I am sure I won't cry in THIS movie! My son rented W. (um he is NOT a W fan and since this was his first year to vote AND he voted in a monumental election AND voted for our new president, I am not sure why he rented this... but whateva). If I am in the mood I might watch that later, too. I live on the edge I tell you.

Wasted Money

I just paid a $185 speeding ticket from October. I went on a girls weekend get away with my daughter and our friend (the one that went with her to London last year) and on the way home I got a speeding ticket... going 86 in a 70. NICE. He reduced it down to 15 over (instead of 16...how nice, well actually it was cuz he could of taken my license technically). So yea, I um, just paid it. Right now. Grrr $185 down the tube.

Trying to think of title that's not depressing (obviously I couldn't...)

So, I have spent the last 48 hours trying to catch up on reading every one's posts. Why I haven't blogged and read anything for 5 months is really beyond me. I think I needed a reality break or something like that.

My husband and I are in the process of finalizing our divorce. He has been gone almost a year... hard to believe (no hyper-links because I am wayyyyyyy to lazy for that, I mean I just started posting again!) It is just time to move on. The sad part is taking off my ring. I mean there is a MARK on my finger where it has been for 2 1/2 years (including the engagement period). So that part sucks. I'm mostly just void of feeling. Mostly. I really don't know how someone moves on after something like this. I mean I have moved on before... I have been divorced before and exited a long term relationship. But geesh, those were easy compared to this.

I have laundry all over my dining room floor. It's clean. I haven't put it away. Why, I don't know. If anyone came over to visit I would die. I mean seriously... all over the dining room floor. Did I mention I am only half moved, so I don't have my dining room table here yet. Yea, just clothes on my floor from this weekend's massive laundry doing fest.

The last month or so I have been watching my ex husbands dog when he has stuff to do or goes to his girlfriends house. OMG... I luuurrrvvee this dog. Seriously. She is so cute. She has floppy ears and piercing eyes that just dance. Then she pooped on my living room floor. Yea, she is on suspension right now.

I better head off to bed. Tired and getting a headache. I shouldn't drink so much organic white tea.

5 Months probably too long

I think a 5 month hiatus is probably long enough. I have no excuse really. Other than just daily life and having no desire to do anything other than exist and take care of my kids. I just read over a few of my posts from the past year and yea, nothing has changed. I think that hit me like a lead brick. I need to change that.

An update of sorts since the last time I have been here.

1. We moved. We are in a brand new 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo and I love it. I still have the house and we haven't gotten everything out of it but all essentials are here.

2. My middle son changed high schools and is living with his dad during the week so he can go to school in a town right next to where I live (like 5 minutes away). So that has been a big adjustment but it has done wonders from him, he really likes his new school. His other school had 5 suicides in it in 5 months... big problems going on and I am so glad he got out.

And everything is just about exactly the same since last Sept! Sad but true. Still separated from my husband, absolutely no changes there. We are moving towards divorce not reconciliation. It would have to take a LOT to achieve that.

My daughter is still dancing and she is growing up so fast. She just turned 11 and is growing up by leaps and bounds, scary actually.

My oldest just turned 19 and it is quite concerning to be a mother of a almost NOT teenager! Which means the year he turns 20, I turn 40...holy shit where did the time go.

My middle one will be 16 this Sept and that means another driver in my home. Hard to believe.

I'm still at the same job and I still love it. It has been almost a year and it has flown by..

I miss stuff

I really miss reading every one's blogs. I miss knowing what's going on and who's' doing what. It sucks. I am up tonight doing my homework. We had a big group project due Tuesday and we needed to have out stuff turned into tonight to our group so we can compile it tomorrow. Fun Stuff.

So today on my agenda of stuff to complain about... my marriage. So, i am pretty sure my marriage is over. I hate typing that out. I hate saying it. I hate thinking it. I HATE taking my ring off. I love my ring. It's so pretty and everything I ever wanted in a ring. This month marks the 6 month of living apart. We have grown comfortable in our distance and it really is getting farther and farther each day. We just don't see eye to eye on things and mostly him...he can't compromise or adjust. It's sad because the biggest part of me is sad because I am a failure again. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that. Seriously, how am I ever going to be in a relationship again with this? Not that I want a relationship but realistically speaking, I am sure someday I will want one...and what then? The ring and 2 time loser is what makes me the most upset...not necessarily losing the husband. Hmmmmm, something to ponder.

I have been reading some posts of all of you here and there, I haven't commented much, but I am trying to stay in touch. I MISS ALL OF YOU!

Soon there will be post in which I do not complain

So, I am sitting here doing homework and thought I would take a quick break and get my mind off of Not for Profit Accounting... which is just way too much fun.

I am just finishing up week 2 of my online classes...and holy cow was it a slap in the face back to reality. This crap is a lot of work!!!!!!!! Dang. So, I am spending Tuesday and Wednesday nights plowing through homework, postings and trying to get everything posted by midnight Wednesday. I do little things during the week and weekend but I am so busy most nights, I find myself falling asleep at my computer.

To add to my delight (misery), I have started an extreme bodyshaping class. I started that this week. It is intense kickboxing 3 days a week and resistance training 3 days a week (yes, that adds up to SIX days a week at 6 AM... go ahead... tell me, I know I am nuts). Plus on top of that they give a nutrition guide to follow as well. So, naturally I got sick this week and am coughing up a lung and have had 2 asthma attacks. Oh the joys of Murphy and his dumb a$$ law.

Oh and my frickin cat has fleas. How does an INDOOR CAT GET FLEAS?!?! So, off to the vet we went last week and got medicine, household spray for when they start jumping off of him.

And then we have everything else in my life, being a mother to 3, keeping up on my house (hahahahaha, I was laughing so hard I almost feel off my chair), cooking - which I have been doing more of due to this nutrition thing I am following, and working 40+hours a week. And I wonder why I can barely find time to breathe....

If you're busy, the best thing to do is add more stuff to your plate.

Really, that is the best thing to do! So... I do think about my blog several times a week and have the best intentions to update and write and vent and talk about stuff and work through things... and yea, it never works out that way.

In a nutshell - my middle son started High school in August, my daughter started 5th grade in August, my oldest son started College and I re-started College. Cuz really, I have nothing better to do with my time.

I have 8 classes left to get my BS in Accounting with a minor in Management. EIGHT CLASSES!! I said screw it, I am going to just buck up and just get it done. So here I am, enrolled in 2 classes this term, then 2 classes next term (terms are 8 weeks long) and I am doing it all online, a first for me.

My daughter is still in dance... we go 4 times a week. Plus still working full time and still loving my job. AND I am still a single mom AGAIN. No husband at home, STILL. It is almost to the point of no return in my book, but never say never. We all just spent a weekend at my dad's house up North. He lives on a lake and we had the best time ever... so who knows what will happen in the future.

I haven't been able to read much lately, but I will try hard to do so soon. I miss you all.