The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

Yesterday was my birthday and now today is my 10 month anniversary. I cannot wait for May to get here tomorrow.

I promise that I will not continue to whine about this stupid frickin' divorce much longer. But at the moment it's the only thing on my mind and it's kind of overwhelming.

I went to dinner last night with my husband, which was his idea. It was pleasant. I had NO expectations going into this dinner at all. Just a meal for my birthday. Which was a smart thing to do. He cried most of the time, I didn't. He is sad. BUT still wants to go through with all of this. Thinks there is no hope for us. Believe me, I have mentioned many, many solutions that do not include divorce and him leaving but nope, he knows this is the only way to solve "HIS" problems. I got no gift, no card, no nothing. But a few tears, a nice Mexican meal and a definitive answer on our failed relationship.

In further good news... I have no job still. The last place that I interviewed with THREE friggin' times... said they would call either way. Yea, no phone call at all. Is that rude or am I expecting too much? I would of liked to of known at least why they went with another candidate. I think that's only polite. But whateva. I have had two interviews this week and I am excited about them. I will keep plugging away and pray something comes along very soon.

Thank you all for your kind words and well wishes, they really do help me and keep my spirits up at this extremely crappy time in my life. It will get better, I know it. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The One Where I Sing Happy Birthday to Myself.

Ya say it's your birthday... Da da da da da daaaaaa...it's my birthday toooooo!

So, this has turned into a listening to onthegomom whine about her impending divorce blog. I promise it won't last forever. Just a few more whiny days.

My husband called me right at midnight to tell me Happy Birthday. I was pretty shocked. He also told me he loves me so very much. He also asked me to go to dinner with him tomorrow. So now I am a f*cked up mess. I want to believe him. I am going to go to dinner with him because I really want to. Even if it means I will come away hurt and reeling, I still want to. Again... my head is spinning (and I pretty sure it's not the Absolut Citron Vodka in my Diet Coke that is causing it. Pretty. Sure.).

Who's Bitter... NOT me!

I stayed out until 1 AM last night!!!! I felt like I was 25 again :-) I went to dinner with my mom and sister, then we went to a casino but not to gamble but to see a friend of ours band play, but then I don't think it was their band but we had fun anyway and before we knew it, it was ONE AM!!!!!!! I ROCK!

Talked to my husband on Friday night. Short version: he thinks the best thing for us (i.e. him) is to get divorced. Long Version: He just doesn't think he can do it anymore, he's never actually lived on his own, for himself, without responsibility, he wants to just do what he wants when he wants and how he wants. Ummmmm, okay. So you couldn't of thought of that, oh say... a mere frickin' 10 months ago?!?!? Who in the hell doesn't want NO responsibilities... but omg, that is part of life you selfish a$$hole. (I told you the anger phase was about to hit). I am so pissed off at myself (which I know is dumb) that I trusted him, let my guard down, I let him inside... you know the part that is vulnerable and you only let people you truly love and trust know and see... yea THAT part. And he basically ripped it apart and tore it down. I just hope someday its repairable... who wants to be alone for the rest of their life?!? Not me. It will take a LONG time to heal, though, if ever.

I don't want to be a bitter, lonely old lady. So, I am determined to buck up and move on and show him just what the f*ck he is missing. A$$HOLE!

Also for added joy, my birthday is in two days. Happy Frickin' Birthday....... here's your divorce!!!

Not for the light hearted

WARNING: SAD, SH*TTY POST BELOW!

I am getting Divorced. I am going to be a twice divorced loser. I believe I am entering the angry stage of mourning. I've been sad for oh about 2 months, been calm, been respectful but now anger is starting to pick up speed. Should be fun. Stay tuned.

I think after I am a little calmer (read: I have some wine with dinner tonight with my mom and sister). I will fill you in on the details.

DIVORCED?!? Can you believe it? No, I can't either. F*CKER.

The answer to it all

My two boys were teasing their sister. How crazy is that, right? Of course, she was basking in the attention, as she loves to be the center of it. She was laying on the floor and the 14 year old got down on his hands and knees and was crawling towards her (don't ask... cuz I don't). He was growling at her or something equally as mature and she screams,

"NO, DON'T... I'M TOO YOUNG"

My 18 year old and, 14 year old and I busted out laughing. So that is our new answer to stuff we don't want to do. NO, I'M TOO YOUNG!!!!!!!!

IT ARRIVED!

The passport arrived!!!!!! It only took ONE WEEK from the time we went to apply for it. Now that's a $177 well spent!!!!! So, that's everything. She is signed up, tickets bought, hotel reserved. Now it's just a count down. 4 weeks to go...

Deep thoughts on such a sunny day

I keep trying to get to my blog and something happens and I get pulled away!

A few updates (with no hyper links because... um, I am too lazy):

• No word on the job yet, they are to make a decision sometime this week. But if this one doesn't pan out I have a couple more prospects so I won't freak out too much.
• Husband still gone. He is to make a decision this week and tell me this weekend what he wants. So, my life is limbo until he tells me what he wants. More on this in a minute.
• Passport applied for, haven't received yet. But they cashed my check already, so that has to be a good sign, right?!?!
• The tulips and daffodils have bloomed!!!!! IT'S SPRING!!!!!! Thank GOD!

So, my husband tells me that he will let me know this weekend what he wants to do. I am typically not a dependent person, I am very independent and can stand on my own two feet. But, I also enjoyed being married and having someone in my life that I thought was going to be there for me too. It hurts because I opened myself up to him and trusted him. I trusted that he would always be there for me and love me for as long as we were on this earth. I made it very well known that I had said for 10 long years that I would never get married again. That I didn't believe in marriage any longer. He came into my life and changed that. I gave him my heart and soul and my trust that he wanted the same things. It hurts me deeply to know that he may not have. He says it is not me, I am a wonderful wife and he loves me very much. He says that he just wants to be alone, not be responsible for anyone, not answer to anyone, to do what he wants, when he wants. I find this selfish and have asked him many times, why couldn't you of figured this out BEFORE we got married 10 months ago. He agrees. He doesn't want to hurt me. He doesn't want to make me cry. He doesn't want to hurt the kids. If he didn't he wouldn't of done this. Its very hard for me to understand and be understanding. I am trying. I am trying to be patient. So, in all fairness, that is why he said he will decide by this weekend. He has a lot to think about apparently. I have the divorce decree written and ready. If that is the route he decides I will be heartbroken but I will go on. I will survive and make it. I will be whole again, I know this. I have been through it before. I just never, never thought I would be going through it again.