The Big Day

First picture is of my oldest son after graduating, with my daughter (wearing the hat, of course!!!) Second picture is of my son and I. Then me, my oldest son and my middle son.

I am unable to sleep. I am so excited. Today is the BIG day!!!!!! She flies out today.

But really, I also wanted to post the other big day, too. My son's graduation pictures. He graduated from High School on Sunday. It was amazing, incredible and fantastic. I got a little teary eyed when they had their processional but after that I just sat there and smiled from ear to ear, it was so FUN, actually. I am really proud of him.

PS... I hate Blogger and their terrible picture layout format. I cannot make it look decent for the life of me...it's late, I tried. sigh......

My Mind... Have you seen it???

I am going to tell you the outcome of this story, before you read it. To try and save you some of the panic that I have been going through the past 2 days. My daughter is STILL going to London. Okay, now that that is said...

Also, this will be the brief version as I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off, as she leaves in ONE WEEK!!!! AND my son graduates from high school this weekend!!! AND I GOT A JOB!!!!!!! So I start Tuesday, naturally right smack dab in the middle of the craziest time of my life. Oh well. I GOT A JOB!!

So, I get a phone call on Tuesday... 9 days before she is to leave for London on this trip she won for DANCE, right! The dance company calls and tells me the convention is cancelled. They had "venue" problems. Can you say panic. Wanting to throw up. Wanting to die. Well, I pulled my $hit together and we made a game plan. They are giving her close to a thousand dollars to make up for the fact that she won't have a convention to go to. So with that money (and a trip that is already bought, planned and paid for!). She is going to London. It will be more of a sight seeing trip (like that is Bad) and she is also taking classes here!!!!!!!!!! Which is VERY exciting. They are world renowned. So this is what I have been doing the past 2 days, planning a trip ONE week before she is set to take off... call me super Mom, k?!?

Happy Mothers Day!!!

I have to admit, I am not a huge fan of Mother's Day. I tend to not like holidays that "force" you to show love, respect, attention to certain people on a certain day (Valentine's Day, Father/Mother's Day). I like to be spoiled and pampered EVERY day :-). But my kids like to do things for me on this day, so I graciously accept.

My daughter and my husband made me breakfast this morning. Both of my son's had to work this morning, so they weren't here. They both told me happy mother's day. I got cards and a movie I wanted. But most of all, I just love being with my kids.

My oldest has become my friend. He has matured so much this past year and we have always just "got" each other. The older he gets, the more evident this becomes. I don't just love him, I really, really like him a lot. If he weren't my son, I would choose to have him in my life. To be able to say for the past 18 years that I am his mom, has been fantastic.

My middle son has always kept my life interesting. He is someone that either makes me so proud I almost burst or so mad I almost explode. He is very hot or cold. But he has passion!!! He is the most loving child I have. He would give me the shirt off of his back if I needed it. He would spend every penny on someone else if I would let him. He is the most unselfish child I have ever met. The older he gets there are way LESS moments of anger and way MORE moments of joy. Being his mom for the past 14 years has left me breathless in anger, but more importantly love.

My youngest daughter is the heart and soul of this family. She has brought a smile to every face she meets. She is filled with pure love. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body and loves without inhibition. She makes me want to be a better person, let alone mother. Her brothers adore her, I adore her and my goal is to keep her innocence alive for as long as possible.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!!!!

Hope

Things have been going remarkably well. I am honestly content. He hasn't moved back in. We are slowly rebuilding things that went haywire. It didn't take a few days to get us here and so it will take some time to get us back. But the best part is that we will get back. I can see it in his eyes. I can hear it in his words. I can feel it in his actions. He is trying. I am trying. And for the first time in a long time we are on the same page. It's refreshing. I remain hopeful.

Never Say Never

I have to say... I am even sick of hearing about my saga... but I just can't help it right now.

My husband had a mental break through, of sorts. Everything that I have been saying for the past 3 months FINALLY sunk into to his thick, think skull. I will not bore you with all the details but let's just say he has seen the light (that I am right) and wants to work things out. He is not moving back in right away, we are going to work through some things that need to be worked out and get through them now while we still have a chance to go back to our respective corners, if you will. I am cautiously very happy.

In other news, had a third interview with a company yesterday. A four (yes, you read that right, 4!) hour interview. It was grueling. I pray that I get this job, as I really want it. The company has everything that I have been looking for, so I am hopeful.

2 weeks till London!!!!!!! I have got to get a picture of my daughter in the ONE HUNDRED AND NINE DOLLAR jeans my dumba$$ mother bought her to take with her. Yes, in case you wondered, my mother is nuts. I don't even own a pair that are that expensive. But we are getting very, very excited as time draws near!

Next weekend is my son's high school graduation, too. So lots of stuff going on! We have two and half weeks left of school for the younger two, plus a dance recital the last weekend of May. So if I am absolutely crazy(ier) by June 1st, ya all know why!!!!!!

Stuff that is hard

So, I haven't posted in 2 days cuz today was a really, really hard day. I am not quite ready to talk about it yet. No, I am not divorced YET but I found out a few things today that made me become the psycho b*tch, I really, really didn't ever want to become.

After things calm down OR come to a head...whichever HE decides, I will write a follow up post. But right now things are just too raw, too emotional and just too much.

(there are a lot of really's in this post)

Happy Day!!!!

I got 5 inches cut off my hair... see --->

We went shopping and spent A LOT of money :-) My daughter got some of the cutest stuff eva!!! I will have to post some pics of her outfit when we have a few minutes.

Coming up this week... mani/pedi for me, me, me ,me..... cuz I am all about making myself better.

No real word from the husband, except that he is moving into his apartment today and he came over to get a few things... but I wasn't home. YEA! But my middle son was and they talked for a bit and it was all okay. I got this text message from him: "I'm sorry for so much, please know I feel the same way you do and love you with all my heart." Um... with all his heart... but not enough to be MARRIED TO ME or LIVE WITH ME. Apparently, he is the only freakin' one to see that there is something extremely wrong with that. But whateva!!!!!

Well I am off for a girls night out again with my sister and mom. YEA ME.

peace out.

One step forward, Two steps back

Today was definitely one of those days. I feel powerless and hopeless. I feel frozen inside. It's hard for me to get going. I have basically been doing just enough for myself and the kids to survive. Today I feel like one step forward, two steps back. I know tomorrow is a new day and I will beat this and come out the winner and he will be the loser. I am DETERMINED to have that outcome.

I have decided that I am not going to contact him. I usually email him or text him, just small things. Like we use to when we were together. But today I am going back to high school and I am not going to contact him. If he contacts me, it will depend on what he says if I respond. I need to make myself move "away" from him. I need to distance myself emotionally and mentally away from him. So, this is the only way I can think of to do that. I feel like I am 16 again... gawd.

He is putting his money down on his basement apartment today and moving some of his belongings tonight. Then this weekend he is moving the rest of stuff. GET THIS!!!!!! He said to me yesterday, "Can all of you be gone Saturday so I can come get my stuff without having to see any of you or face anyone?" I said, "UH NO, you are being a coward, you decided this and you can face the music just like I do EACH AND EVERY DAY" I couldn't friggin' believe it. What a baby.

Some good news - I have my hair appointment on Saturday, I can't wait. Even though I have no job, or no husband. I am going. And I am going to charge it on his credit card, just cuz I can (Hello, high school days?). Then I got money from my dad for my birthday and I am going to get a pedicure and manicure. Cuz I wanna. Also this weekend my mom is taking my daughter and I shopping for clothes for London. So, that should be fun. Considering my daughters favorite thing to do is shop, she will be pleased.

I am feeling better now. I started off this blog pretty depressed and really unable to get going. Now I feel energized and better.