Thursday, May 1, 2008

One step forward, Two steps back

Today was definitely one of those days. I feel powerless and hopeless. I feel frozen inside. It's hard for me to get going. I have basically been doing just enough for myself and the kids to survive. Today I feel like one step forward, two steps back. I know tomorrow is a new day and I will beat this and come out the winner and he will be the loser. I am DETERMINED to have that outcome.

I have decided that I am not going to contact him. I usually email him or text him, just small things. Like we use to when we were together. But today I am going back to high school and I am not going to contact him. If he contacts me, it will depend on what he says if I respond. I need to make myself move "away" from him. I need to distance myself emotionally and mentally away from him. So, this is the only way I can think of to do that. I feel like I am 16 again... gawd.

He is putting his money down on his basement apartment today and moving some of his belongings tonight. Then this weekend he is moving the rest of stuff. GET THIS!!!!!! He said to me yesterday, "Can all of you be gone Saturday so I can come get my stuff without having to see any of you or face anyone?" I said, "UH NO, you are being a coward, you decided this and you can face the music just like I do EACH AND EVERY DAY" I couldn't friggin' believe it. What a baby.

Some good news - I have my hair appointment on Saturday, I can't wait. Even though I have no job, or no husband. I am going. And I am going to charge it on his credit card, just cuz I can (Hello, high school days?). Then I got money from my dad for my birthday and I am going to get a pedicure and manicure. Cuz I wanna. Also this weekend my mom is taking my daughter and I shopping for clothes for London. So, that should be fun. Considering my daughters favorite thing to do is shop, she will be pleased.

I am feeling better now. I started off this blog pretty depressed and really unable to get going. Now I feel energized and better.


Law Student Hot Mama said...

Ok, every single post I read this guy seems worse and worse! What a loser.

Shelley said...

What law student hot mama said. LOSER. I'm glad that you're getting away from this guy, and I'm glad you're treating yourself and pampering yourself a bit, because you deserve it! Have fun shopping tomorrow!

Mary said...

from the way I read this.. it's two steps forward and maybe just a little looking back. Can you all be gone on Saturday - egads!

Best wishes on your interviews and have fun shopping for London!!

oh, check my blog later, it'll either be pink or blue. I find out today!

Christine said...

Stay strong. You deserve a man not another child for a husband.

desirae said...

Can you be gone on Sat?? What a jerk.. I'd show him how gone I could be.. I'd be sitting in the front yard, holding a yard sale.. Items for Sale?? The husbands things.. Make an offer any offer and it's yours.. It could be your new job (at least for the day.) Besides how hysterical would that be, if he pulled up and people were buying his stuff.. Not to mention, the sense of high school satisfaction you would take by exacting that revenge.. Everything must go.. (you could tell him, that you were trying to help him out.. Now he has less to move, therefore he doesn't have to see any of you for too long..) How dare he ask you to be gone.. Or you could just burn all his clothes in the back yard, and have hot dogs and marshmallows with the kids.. That would be fun too..

Bia said...

My heart goes out to you and your children, it really does. Nothing I say can even begin to ease the pain except for maybe this: rise above it. Elevate your mind, your body, your spirit and try not let this situation be a dead weight dragging you down. You seem to be a strong person, and a kind one, and a wonderful mother to your children . . . so be all those things that are the essence of who you are.

God bless, and have fun with that haircut and that shopping excursion.

utmomof5 said...

Nothing like a mani/pedi to make a girl feel better.

Sounds like he keeps doing dumb stuff, that is good because it is a reminder of how you will be better off with out him!!

Stay Strong and hey acting like HS again can be fun for awhile. :)

Holly said...

Good. For. You. For standing up to him and for doing something for yourself. Charge it all!!!

Kathy said...

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Unfortunately, I can really relate, I've been there. Hang in there, it does get easier.