Today was definitely one of those days. I feel powerless and hopeless. I feel frozen inside. It's hard for me to get going. I have basically been doing just enough for myself and the kids to survive. Today I feel like one step forward, two steps back. I know tomorrow is a new day and I will beat this and come out the winner and he will be the loser. I am DETERMINED to have that outcome.
I have decided that I am not going to contact him. I usually email him or text him, just small things. Like we use to when we were together. But today I am going back to high school and I am not going to contact him. If he contacts me, it will depend on what he says if I respond. I need to make myself move "away" from him. I need to distance myself emotionally and mentally away from him. So, this is the only way I can think of to do that. I feel like I am 16 again... gawd.
He is putting his money down on his basement apartment today and moving some of his belongings tonight. Then this weekend he is moving the rest of stuff. GET THIS!!!!!! He said to me yesterday, "Can all of you be gone Saturday so I can come get my stuff without having to see any of you or face anyone?" I said, "UH NO, you are being a coward, you decided this and you can face the music just like I do EACH AND EVERY DAY" I couldn't friggin' believe it. What a baby.
Some good news - I have my hair appointment on Saturday, I can't wait. Even though I have no job, or no husband. I am going. And I am going to charge it on his credit card, just cuz I can (Hello, high school days?). Then I got money from my dad for my birthday and I am going to get a pedicure and manicure. Cuz I wanna. Also this weekend my mom is taking my daughter and I shopping for clothes for London. So, that should be fun. Considering my daughters favorite thing to do is shop, she will be pleased.
I am feeling better now. I started off this blog pretty depressed and really unable to get going. Now I feel energized and better.