Monday, April 13, 2009

Life in the fast lane

Finally good news to report. The year long separation is coming to an end. My husband and I are going to get back together. It's been a very long year and it's been very hard on my emotionally, mentally and physically. I think it's been hard on him too, that's what he says. I believe him. It's been a year filled with sadness, a few happy times, despair, a few positives, ups and downs like no other. About 2 weeks ago, we had a heart to heart (right at the time of of our 1 year separation anniversary) and all of a sudden it was like a light bulb went on inside his head where he figured out this was it, he was going to either have me forever or lose me. I think that shook him. We have spent the last week analyzing our entire relationship and taking it step by step. It has been great so far. We both want this very much and both are willing to go the extra mile to be together again. We will be together again in June and I am happy.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Please stop this ride so I can get off

I am sure this will turn into a garbled mess before I am done. I have so many thoughts going through my head I feel like I could go crazy. In no particular order. In bulleted form, to somewhat ease the pain of the garbbledness (and yes spellcheck I just *know* that this is a word, so there!).

  • So, it has really effected me that one year later I am in the same place I was last year. It will be exactly one year tomorrow that my husband and I have split up. And I am the same fucked up mess I was a year ago. One thing that has gotten under my skin is an acquaintance friend of mine and her husband split up almost at the same exact time we did and both her and her ex-husband are REMARRIED! Not that I want to be remarried, cuz I don't but OBVIOUSLY they have both moved on and they don't find themselves sitting here going, "well shit what has changed in a years time??"
  • Still cry - check
  • Still love my husband - check
  • Still hate that we are separated - check
  • still want to be with him - stupid dumb check
  • Sits and asks herself each and everyday why she can't move on and lead a normal life - BIG FAT check
  • Wonders if she needs to go back to the dr. and talk to her about changing her medication because it isn't working *obviously* - CHECK and CHECK and CHECK
  • Wants to run away but thank god has her kids so she doesn't - check.

I hate april 4th.