Please stop this ride so I can get off

I am sure this will turn into a garbled mess before I am done. I have so many thoughts going through my head I feel like I could go crazy. In no particular order. In bulleted form, to somewhat ease the pain of the garbbledness (and yes spellcheck I just *know* that this is a word, so there!).

• So, it has really effected me that one year later I am in the same place I was last year. It will be exactly one year tomorrow that my husband and I have split up. And I am the same fucked up mess I was a year ago. One thing that has gotten under my skin is an acquaintance friend of mine and her husband split up almost at the same exact time we did and both her and her ex-husband are REMARRIED! Not that I want to be remarried, cuz I don't but OBVIOUSLY they have both moved on and they don't find themselves sitting here going, "well shit what has changed in a years time??"
• Still cry - check
• Still love my husband - check
• Still hate that we are separated - check
• still want to be with him - stupid dumb check
• Sits and asks herself each and everyday why she can't move on and lead a normal life - BIG FAT check
• Wonders if she needs to go back to the dr. and talk to her about changing her medication because it isn't working *obviously* - CHECK and CHECK and CHECK
• Wants to run away but thank god has her kids so she doesn't - check.

I hate april 4th.