A few updates (with no hyper links because... um, I am too lazy):
- No word on the job yet, they are to make a decision sometime this week. But if this one doesn't pan out I have a couple more prospects so I won't freak out too much.
- Husband still gone. He is to make a decision this week and tell me this weekend what he wants. So, my life is limbo until he tells me what he wants. More on this in a minute.
- Passport applied for, haven't received yet. But they cashed my check already, so that has to be a good sign, right?!?!
- The tulips and daffodils have bloomed!!!!! IT'S SPRING!!!!!! Thank GOD!
So, my husband tells me that he will let me know this weekend what he wants to do. I am typically not a dependent person, I am very independent and can stand on my own two feet. But, I also enjoyed being married and having someone in my life that I thought was going to be there for me too. It hurts because I opened myself up to him and trusted him. I trusted that he would always be there for me and love me for as long as we were on this earth. I made it very well known that I had said for 10 long years that I would never get married again. That I didn't believe in marriage any longer. He came into my life and changed that. I gave him my heart and soul and my trust that he wanted the same things. It hurts me deeply to know that he may not have. He says it is not me, I am a wonderful wife and he loves me very much. He says that he just wants to be alone, not be responsible for anyone, not answer to anyone, to do what he wants, when he wants. I find this selfish and have asked him many times, why couldn't you of figured this out BEFORE we got married 10 months ago. He agrees. He doesn't want to hurt me. He doesn't want to make me cry. He doesn't want to hurt the kids. If he didn't he wouldn't of done this. Its very hard for me to understand and be understanding. I am trying. I am trying to be patient. So, in all fairness, that is why he said he will decide by this weekend. He has a lot to think about apparently. I have the divorce decree written and ready. If that is the route he decides I will be heartbroken but I will go on. I will survive and make it. I will be whole again, I know this. I have been through it before. I just never, never thought I would be going through it again.