Grandparents

My grandparents are moving back to our area today. To say I am excited is an extreme understatement. I love my grandparents sooo much and am very thankful that at almost 40 I still have both of them. They are 86 and 85 and still live very much independently. They moved one state away to be closer to my uncle and to live a little more south for easier weather. This was 8 years ago. Their daughter, my mom, myself, and my two sisters and all of our families are up here. They decided that they wanted to spend as much time with us as they could and they also wanted to down size. So they are moving to a senior apartment complex in my hometown and I could not be more excited. They will be rolling into town tomorrow afternoon and we will spend all day moving them in and getting them set up. It has been raining the last two days, so I hope the skies clear. If not, it would still be worth it!

It's the little things...

Is it sad when you think you have accomplished *something* when you actually take a shower AND shave your LEGS? That's how I feel today, folks. Whew, don't have to think about that again for awhile!

Fall and Football!

I love fall! It is my favorite season. Since I am in the midwest we are lucky to have all four seasons. We get hot hot in the summer and cold cold in the winter. But Fall is that wonderful time of year when during the day it can be in the 70's and down to 50 at night. I love the morning and the crisp air. I love fall decorations and fall colors. Ahhh, I LOVE it's almost October!! <3

I also love fall because it's FOOTBALL season baby! I have spent the whole day today watching football with my 16 year old son. Pure heaven!

What I have been busy doing...

Here is what I did last weekend:

It was very yummy! I tried to duplicate Yin and Yang from the Melting Pot. It's white chocolate and mild chocolate fondue - swirled together. MMMMM good.

2 months sure does go by fast!

Well, we are all moved! Although we only moved 25 miles away, it seems a lot longer. I love our new place!!! We are in a townhome, in a townhome community. It's like a park in our backyard! We have a pool, sand volleyball, 2 playgrounds, picnic benches and grills... all about 20 steps from our back door. It's really nice. My daughter has gotten a ton of use out of the pool already and this is only our second week here.

It's going well with the husband and I. It's been an adjustment living together again and it hasn't all been rays of sunshine but for the most part it is great being back together. Marriage is work and when you are alone you don't have to work on anything if you don't want to :)

Our summer so far went from 60's and raining to BAM 90's and muggy, hot and shitty. Since I hate the heat, I wasn't thrilled.

Must run now, but will be back soon!

Life in the fast lane

Finally good news to report. The year long separation is coming to an end. My husband and I are going to get back together. It's been a very long year and it's been very hard on my emotionally, mentally and physically. I think it's been hard on him too, that's what he says. I believe him. It's been a year filled with sadness, a few happy times, despair, a few positives, ups and downs like no other. About 2 weeks ago, we had a heart to heart (right at the time of of our 1 year separation anniversary) and all of a sudden it was like a light bulb went on inside his head where he figured out this was it, he was going to either have me forever or lose me. I think that shook him. We have spent the last week analyzing our entire relationship and taking it step by step. It has been great so far. We both want this very much and both are willing to go the extra mile to be together again. We will be together again in June and I am happy.

Please stop this ride so I can get off

I am sure this will turn into a garbled mess before I am done. I have so many thoughts going through my head I feel like I could go crazy. In no particular order. In bulleted form, to somewhat ease the pain of the garbbledness (and yes spellcheck I just *know* that this is a word, so there!).

• So, it has really effected me that one year later I am in the same place I was last year. It will be exactly one year tomorrow that my husband and I have split up. And I am the same fucked up mess I was a year ago. One thing that has gotten under my skin is an acquaintance friend of mine and her husband split up almost at the same exact time we did and both her and her ex-husband are REMARRIED! Not that I want to be remarried, cuz I don't but OBVIOUSLY they have both moved on and they don't find themselves sitting here going, "well shit what has changed in a years time??"
• Still cry - check
• Still love my husband - check
• Still hate that we are separated - check
• still want to be with him - stupid dumb check
• Sits and asks herself each and everyday why she can't move on and lead a normal life - BIG FAT check
• Wonders if she needs to go back to the dr. and talk to her about changing her medication because it isn't working *obviously* - CHECK and CHECK and CHECK
• Wants to run away but thank god has her kids so she doesn't - check.

I hate april 4th.

Hope

Today I have hope. I don't want to say it out loud what is going on for fear of jinxing it. I just have hope that I thought I had lost.

Have you seen my....?

It's very apparent I have WAY too many things on my mind and not a enough cells to accommodate these 'things'. I went to my husbands apartment on Saturday to drop off some things I had accumulated and needed to give to him. Since my daughter dances on the same side of town he lives I stopped by after I dropped her off at dance. Our boat is stored in the town I live in until we decide what we are doing with it. So, he says will you take a check to the boat rental place (exactly 3 blocks from where I live) on your way home. I said, "sure" cheerfully. So, he puts the check in my purse. Easy schmeesy, right?

Not for this dumb ass. I go and pick up my daughter from dance. I get the check out of my purse (MISTAKE #1) and hand it to my daughter (MISTAKE #2) and say don't let me forget to take this to the boat rental place on our way home. She says, "sure" cheerfully. On our way home we stop by our house (MISTAKE #3) to get the mail and I run inside (MISTAKE #4 - do you see a pattern here?) to grab something. And we go home...

Yes, we went HOME. Uh, forgot about the check AND LOST IT. My husband texts me the next morning and says "did you get the check to the boat place okay". I freaked the f*ck out. Shit shit shit. I looked all over for that check and couldn't find it. I got the distinct pleasure of telling my husband that I managed to lose a check in ONE 25 minute drive from point A to point B. I suck

Hell Week

This is how I spent my time this week:

1. Daughter had the flu - passed it to me - passed it to middle son. Oldest son escaped somehow.
2. My step-son's house burnt down. Yes, burnt down. It was horrible. They are all safe and okay, thank god. But they lost everything. His mom's car was parked in the garage and caught on fire, which by the time she figured it out the garage was engulfed in flames. It's a horrifying experience.
3. My dad was downhill skiing Friday night (he is very active, in great shape, and is 62). They were on their last run and he fell (not sure if he passed out or what, since it was an easy hill and he is good at skiing) and hit his head pretty hard. He was disoriented, they rushed him to the local hospital and did a CAT scan and found blood on his brain. So they then rushed him to the state university hospital and did another CAT scan and there was no more or less blood on his brain, so they think it's a concussion. He came home yesterday afternoon and sounded good on the phone.

It's been a hellish week. On top of an ongoing divorce, being freaking broker than broke, kids, work - now all this. I am just so thankful that everyone ended up okay after this hellish week.

The Three T's

I'm tired but I can't sleep. I will deeply regret this tomorrow...err... later THIS morning when I have to get up and go to work. Won't be pretty folks.

******************

I think at the end of the month I will be going to New Jersey for work. It will only be a day or two but I am excited to travel again. I use to travel all the time for work but then it got to be too much and it was hard on the kids. With this job my travel requirements are pretty few and far between, which is good. I am just happy for a change of scenery and no one will be calling me mom for a couple of days!!

******************

I've got to finish up my taxes and get them sent it. How does one get a huge chunk of money back from federal but owe a couple of hundred to state? I am stumped so I haven't submitted them yet. I still think I am missing something or made a grave error that isn't showing up yet. I am a little paranoid about it. That's on my agenda to finish up tomorrow night.

*******************

Well, I am off to bed, I have bored myself tired.

I am an EMPRESS!!!!!

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Bacon Cheddar Cheese

Last night and tonight my daughter has been at my sisters house and both of my boys have been working. Which leaves me ALONE! Which would lead one to believe that I would actually get shit done. But nope. I have done NOTHING. Um, that would include shower or change. Yep, still in my sweat suit from last night.

So for dinner last night AND tonight I have eaten Bacon Cheddar Cheese and Ritz crackers. It's from Wisconsin. It's freaking good. Last night I had 4 glasses of wine with it too. Tonight I am having Lemon sparkling water - 1 liter of it. Probably to counter the wine from last night.

I have been watching movies and movies and more movies. I watched Nights in Rodanthe last night and I cried, no make that sobbed and bawled. (adding that to the list of movies I am incapable of watching - that includes PS I Love You, as well) Then I watched Cast Away on TBS, oh and I cried at the end of that too... when Tom Hanks is found and comes back to a married Helen Hunt (OMG... I cried). Tonight I am watching Old School with Will Farrell... I am sure I won't cry in THIS movie! My son rented W. (um he is NOT a W fan and since this was his first year to vote AND he voted in a monumental election AND voted for our new president, I am not sure why he rented this... but whateva). If I am in the mood I might watch that later, too. I live on the edge I tell you.

Wasted Money

I just paid a $185 speeding ticket from October. I went on a girls weekend get away with my daughter and our friend (the one that went with her to London last year) and on the way home I got a speeding ticket... going 86 in a 70. NICE. He reduced it down to 15 over (instead of 16...how nice, well actually it was cuz he could of taken my license technically). So yea, I um, just paid it. Right now. Grrr $185 down the tube.

Trying to think of title that's not depressing (obviously I couldn't...)

So, I have spent the last 48 hours trying to catch up on reading every one's posts. Why I haven't blogged and read anything for 5 months is really beyond me. I think I needed a reality break or something like that.

My husband and I are in the process of finalizing our divorce. He has been gone almost a year... hard to believe (no hyper-links because I am wayyyyyyy to lazy for that, I mean I just started posting again!) It is just time to move on. The sad part is taking off my ring. I mean there is a MARK on my finger where it has been for 2 1/2 years (including the engagement period). So that part sucks. I'm mostly just void of feeling. Mostly. I really don't know how someone moves on after something like this. I mean I have moved on before... I have been divorced before and exited a long term relationship. But geesh, those were easy compared to this.

I have laundry all over my dining room floor. It's clean. I haven't put it away. Why, I don't know. If anyone came over to visit I would die. I mean seriously... all over the dining room floor. Did I mention I am only half moved, so I don't have my dining room table here yet. Yea, just clothes on my floor from this weekend's massive laundry doing fest.

The last month or so I have been watching my ex husbands dog when he has stuff to do or goes to his girlfriends house. OMG... I luuurrrvvee this dog. Seriously. She is so cute. She has floppy ears and piercing eyes that just dance. Then she pooped on my living room floor. Yea, she is on suspension right now.

I better head off to bed. Tired and getting a headache. I shouldn't drink so much organic white tea.

5 Months probably too long

I think a 5 month hiatus is probably long enough. I have no excuse really. Other than just daily life and having no desire to do anything other than exist and take care of my kids. I just read over a few of my posts from the past year and yea, nothing has changed. I think that hit me like a lead brick. I need to change that.

An update of sorts since the last time I have been here.

1. We moved. We are in a brand new 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo and I love it. I still have the house and we haven't gotten everything out of it but all essentials are here.

2. My middle son changed high schools and is living with his dad during the week so he can go to school in a town right next to where I live (like 5 minutes away). So that has been a big adjustment but it has done wonders from him, he really likes his new school. His other school had 5 suicides in it in 5 months... big problems going on and I am so glad he got out.

And everything is just about exactly the same since last Sept! Sad but true. Still separated from my husband, absolutely no changes there. We are moving towards divorce not reconciliation. It would have to take a LOT to achieve that.

My daughter is still dancing and she is growing up so fast. She just turned 11 and is growing up by leaps and bounds, scary actually.

My oldest just turned 19 and it is quite concerning to be a mother of a almost NOT teenager! Which means the year he turns 20, I turn 40...holy shit where did the time go.

My middle one will be 16 this Sept and that means another driver in my home. Hard to believe.

I'm still at the same job and I still love it. It has been almost a year and it has flown by..